Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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