White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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