my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
