i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
