I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
