Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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