i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
