Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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