This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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