just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
