dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
