Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
