i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
