Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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