Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
