note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
