I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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