i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
