...so i touched it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
