Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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