I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
