You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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