Got a toothbrush?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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