He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
