She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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