So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
