Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
