I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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