I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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