Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
