I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
