He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
