You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i out mim tonsoeep
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
