She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
