And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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