i just wanna soil my oats bro
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
