Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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