you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
