haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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