I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
