I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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