Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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