We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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