i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
