why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
