Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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