So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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