I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
