Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
