what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize