don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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