She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
