I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
