I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
