at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
