My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
another moral hangover. fuck.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
