Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
