i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
