Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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