put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
